His real name was Barry - but we didn't care. Dan and I held our hands out - and we were on our way. 'Where we going Budman?' 'Hell - I don't know.' So we just followed him and enjoyed the spectacle. I guess it could be called performance art, except I'm not sure he was performing. But boy - did this guy enjoy fucking with people. But he didn't do it in a hostile way - he seemed helpless somehow. So we followed Budman through the crowd enjoying the music and the sun. It was a great day for a party. Oh - did I mention we were tripping? Dan and I had just swallowed some shrooms and they started kicking in when we ran into Budman. What luck.
Budman led us to a dormitory towards the back of the crowd. The concert was being held on the grass between four dormitories on campus at NC State. It was the Fall of 1982. Dan and I had become close friends since the start of classes. We lived in the same suite of four rooms with a shared bathroom. I had moved from a farmhouse out in the country. Dan had moved from his parents house in a nearby suburb of Raleigh. We had been having a blast hitting the college bars for weeks. Both of us had completely forgotten about classes. We shared the same troubled addictions of staying up till dawn drinking and living in titty bars. We both agreed that strippers held some secret - and we decided to spend the semester trying to find it.
We followed Budman up some stairs - asking him repeatedly where we were going. He kept assuring us it would be okay. We would soon find out. I assumed we were going to find one of his friends. Then we stepped into an elevator and headed toward the fifth floor. Budman was hilarious looking. He had this huge infectious grin that wouldn't let go of us. I thought he looked like a blonde Gilligan with red Chuck Taylors - and that long raincoat. It reminded me of those guys who sneak into hidden porn theaters and sit there jacking off. He couldn't stop smiling. 'Where are we going?' 'My buddy's room - he told me to stop by and get him.' He's a really cool dude. You'll like him.'
The three of us got to the fifth floor and the doors opened. Right outside the elevator was a line. We could see at least eight guys - all standing there smoking, laughing and holding plastic cups of beer. There must be a keg. Budman turned to us. 'Well - here we are. This is his place.' The line lead into his suite. Budman walked toward the door bypassing the line. We followed - squeezing past one drunk at a time. Some guy was just coming out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waste. 'Hey Barry! What's up dude?' Barry waved and followed him into his bedroom. I looked at Dan and shrugged - 'Well - let's go. The keg must be in there.' The line was leading into his friend's room. We walked in. His friend started brushing his hair in the mirror. Over on the bed was some drunk girl getting fucked. Barry started giggling really loud. 'Holy shit man!' Then his buddy looked at us and asked 'You guys want some of that? Go ahead - cut in line.'
Weeks later - Dan and spent the whole day drinking at Blimpies. They opened at noon and had 32oz cups of beer for a dollar. Couldn't beat that. So we spent all afternoon hanging out, getting drunk and playing pool. It was a great way to spend the day. Typically - we would go get something to eat, get stoned and watch Andy Griffith back at the room. But it had gotten really late. There were some girls with us who we liked - so afternoon had drifted into night. And we were lit. Drunk as shit. So we headed back to our dorm tackling each other and spitting up with laughter. When we got back - we immediately hit the bathroom and pissed for hours. Or so it seemed. Then we decided to turn the bathroom into a swimming pool.
We plugged all the drains on the floor with socks and underwear we grabbed from our rooms. We used a towel for the door. Then we turned on all the showers and sinks. We were giggling like little boys. We hadn't really thought this out. We were standing there looking at ourselves in the mirror. Then we grabbed some broomsticks and started singing along to Zeppelin and Pink Floyd on a boom box - as the water kept rising - and rising. The acoustics in there were great - we sounded awesome! Or so it seemed. It must have been really loud outside because people started banging on the door and yelling. We were having a blast. Eventually - the water had risen to about two feet. And we were standing there in our cowboy boots and leather Members Only jackets. And then we started swimming - pushing away from the wall zipping back and forth across the bathroom. Surreal.
Then suddenly it was over. 'Shit. Let's get out of here.' Dan agreed - so we started draining the water. It would be a long wait. And we were growing more and more impatient - dripping wet, fully clothed and surprisingly sober. 'I can't believe we actually did this.' Me neither. The banging on the door had stopped a while ago. I guess they just gave up. But they had no idea what we had done either. Hilarious. I couldn't wait to tell Budman. 'Let's go find Budman!' I said. 'Yeah - he'll love this. He'll freak out.' Then we made a very bad decision. There was still six inches of water remaining. We opened the door and flooded the entire floor of our dormitory. We ran out following the rushing water and headed toward Budman's room. We burst in. He was sleeping on an upper bunk. I whispered. 'Hey Budman - wake up.' He slowly opened his eyes and looked at the two of us standing there soaking wet. 'Let's go swimming - in the bathroom.'
Budman had this thing. It's hard to explain. But he would suddenly just snap into an alter ego. It was friendly enough - but aggressive as hell. And it would happen without warning. There was no way to predict it. But we could always see it coming. It always happened when he felt uncomfortable. Then he would find it necessary to break out of himself. For example - we were all leaving a party one night. And Barry did not feel at ease with these people. They were all friends of his girlfriend Donna - and he felt they were all snobs and looked down on him for some reason. They had all been friends in high school. He was not part of their crowd. I could feel it myself. But it was driving him insane. So we squeezed slowly through the front room telling everyone goodbye. Budman started mocking people with his farewells - then we reached the front door. He turned the light off. Everyone started yelling. Budman eased everyone down by saying the power had gone out. Then he started leading the room singing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' - in the dark. One side. The other side. Then after it got going well - he switched the lights on. And we left.
Another night we were all sitting in an Italian restaurant on campus trying to figure out what to order. There was a family sitting a few tables over quietly eating their dinner. A young boy about six years old was sitting with his back to us. He was wearing a sweatshirt which read 'Billy.' Budman couldn't resist. He started calling out in a whisper. 'Hey Billy. Billy.' The kid kept turning around to look at us. His parents started snapping at him to face forward and to eat his food. But Budman kept going. 'Billy. Billy.' Then I stopped him. 'Budman - cut it out. This is getting ridiculous. Okay?' Then he started screaming at me and stood up. 'Why is that kid looking at me? What the fuck?' Yeah. What the fuck?
It definitely got old. So he stopped for a long, long time. Then one incredible day took us all by surprise. It was Saturday and the three of us - Dan, Budman and myself were all flat broke. We gathered some change from our penny jars. We found enough to each get one beer. But it sucked. This was all we had. Nobody to borrow from. Nothing. This was going to be a shitty day. So we headed to Blimpies with our pennies. We got our beers - sat in an uncomfortable wooden booth and cried into our beers. Then after a few moments of silent sadness - Budman jumped up onto the table spilling the beers a little and started yelling out at everybody - 'It's a misnomer! It's a fucking misnomer!' Then he carefully sat back down. I looked at Dan while sipping my beer. 'Great day - huh?'
Then Rodge came in through the door. Rodge was a full sized man. But he was proportioned like a midget. Or like Popeye. Everyone turned to watch him as he waddled through the door. Glancing over at our table, he winked and waved 'How you boys doin' today? Havin' a good day?' We looked at him and and mumbled back ' Yeah sure man - whatever.' So Rodge headed to the counter to order himself a beer. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a huge wad of twenties and started flipping through them. I turned to Dan and nudged him - 'Holy shit - do you see that?' Budman answers with a 'Hell yeah' and jumps to his feet and heads over to Rodge. 'Hey buddy - how about buying some beers for us?' Rodge turned around - extending his hand to shake. 'I'm Rodge.' 'I'm Budman.' And these are my friends - Dan and Pat. He led Rodge over to us and we all shook hands. Rodge just made our day.
So - the afternoon drifted along with drunken laughter and high fives all around. We called out our girlfriends. And Blimpies became packed. This went on for about three or four hours. I can't remember for sure. And Rodge was buying beer for everyone. Every once in a while I could hear Budman yell out rudely 'Hey Rodge! We need more beer over here!' And the wad of twenties would reappear. It actually appeared to be getting bigger. We were having a great time. Our girls were out getting drunk, Rodge was showing us porn pictures in his wallet. He began offering money for the girls - and the beer was flowing freely. We had certainly found a leprechaun with a pot of gold. Then the cops showed up. They quickly grabbed Rodge and handcuffed him. Dead silence. They told us he had robbed a 7-11 earlier that day. Rodge turned to us as they dragged him out.
'You guys are coming down to bail me out - right?'
'Sure - we'll be right there Rodge.'
